As a former sex-crimes prosecutor who is also the mother of two small children, I struggle to be a laid-back parent. I want my kids to grow up thinking the world is generally a good place. I don’t want to frighten them with dire warnings. On the other hand, I’ve seen the terrible things that people do to each other. I worry.
I can usually strike a reasonable balance between caution and chilling out. But July was a hard month.
First, there was the death of little Leiby Kletzky. On July 11th, the parents of the eight-year-old Orthodox Jewish boy allowed him to walk home alone from day camp for the first time. It was only seven blocks, and they’d practiced with a dry run. But Leiby got lost in his close-knit Brooklyn neighborhood and asked a stranger for directions. That stranger took the child home, killed him, and dismembered him, police say. Most of Leiby’s body was found in a dumpster. His feet were found in the man’s freezer.
Then there was the attempted kidnapping, on July 15th, of the two-year-old boy from a Best Buy – while his father watched. The child was playing by the shopping carts when a 23-year-old stranger, high on PCP, grabbed him and ran. The father chased frantically, and the would-be kidnapper threw the toddler into a glass door with such force that it caused a web of cracks, say police.
Finally, Jaycee Dugard released her book, “A Stolen Life,” in mid-July. It is an amazing book, written simply and compellingly by Jaycee herself. You know the story: when she was eleven years old, Jaycee walked to her school bus stop. A convicted sex offender, Joseph Garrido, drove up, tazed her with a stun-gun, snatched her and drove away. His wife helped. Garrido handcuffed the girl in a backyard shed and repeatedly raped her. She eventually bore two baby daughters by him. After 18 years in captivity, she was found, along with her now-adolescent daughters.
The most stunning part of the story to me is that Garrido was on probation for his earlier rape, and was being supervised by the feds the whole time. Dozens of probation officers visited his house – and no one found the girl or the two babies living in the shed in the backyard. Jaycee’s story is one of survival and courage, a shy, intelligent girl who deserved so much better, and a man who was as evil as evil gets. I could not put the book down, although it chilled me to the bone.
How, as parents, do we balance these stories with rearing kids who have a sunny outlook on life – but are also safe? In mulling this, I looked at the statistics. Despite alarming stories that dominate the news, the crime rate is actually going down. For example, there were 479 murders in D.C. in 1991, but only 132 last year. All around the country, violent crime rates are plummeting. And stories like the ones above are very rare. Just over 1% of child abductions are perpetrated by strangers. Most danger to our children comes from people they know: caregivers, relatives, friends of the family. I saw this in my work: most of my cases with child victims involved someone who was close to the child. If we’re diligent about knowing the people our kids hang out with, we can reduce their risk.
I’ve also put on my reading list the book “Free Range Kids,” the bestseller by Lenore Skenazy, who argues that childreen need freedom in order to grow, and that the world is actually safer than we fear. Maybe that will counterbalance some of the darkness.
Meanwhile, if you’ve got thoughts on how to strike the right balance, I’d love to hear them!
Katie says
28 July, 2011 at 12:23 amSo tragic. I was just talking to my neighbor about this. We didn’t have any good answers.
Terri Weiss says
28 July, 2011 at 6:30 amHorrible what people are capable of. The problem is, many of these stories are a matter of bad karma — someone was in the wrong place, wrong time.
I grew up with a very over-protective mother who bombarded me with these kinds of nightmare news reports, and she still does. I haven’t done the same with my own kids, because I don’t believe that being constantly worried and stressed is good for anyone. However, I have taught my kids to be wary. I’ve pounded the NYC pavements with them so they know how to handle themselves, where to go for help, how to avoid potentially dangerous situations, etc. I hope that a combination of good judgment and good luck will carry all of us through.
For young children, like yours, you really have to keep emphasizing their need to watch out for strangers, to stay in groups – and now, fortunately, they have cell phones with locator services.
Allison Leotta says
28 July, 2011 at 1:18 pmAnd that method worked for you, right, Terri? I think part of the problem is that we don’t see the thousands of stories every day of kids who walk home alone and don’t get hurt. Statistically speaking, it’s way more dangerous for kids to ride in cars (car accidents being a major cause of death in America). But we don’t fret over car rides nearly as much as we do about more dreadful but much-less-probable stranger abduction.
Sarah says
3 August, 2011 at 6:25 pmAll of these are tragedies. I think they strike at peoples’ fears and yet so much harm comes to children by people they know. Its a tough call as its hard to protect our children 100% of the time…
As someone who teaches self-defense to children, i would think it is rarely a good idea for an 8 year old boy to walk 7+ blocks alone. i know one parent who lets their child “hang out” alone at that age. I walked right by this child and they did not realize at all I was there. Most kids are not that aware of “street smarts” to be out and about alone. I can see going a block, with someone “following.” But 7?
This is not to blame the parents at all. Parents are just doing the best they can. There is no formula. Yeah there are some kids who have to be out and about alone, but is that the “best” choice for an 8-year old?
These are such terrible tragedies…
Allison Leotta says
6 August, 2011 at 12:58 amSarah, what is the name of the self-defense class that you teach for little ones? Post a link here. If it’s as good as your IMPACT class (which I loved), folks should check it out!
quatisha brown says
17 January, 2025 at 3:36 amI just want the whole world to know about this spell caster I met two weeks ago,I cannot say everything he has done for me and my family I was going through online when I meant this wonderful man’s testimony online how he won a lottery through the help of dr Ose I decided to just give it a try and my life is back to me now after i lost my job due to covid he gave me a winning numbers to play lottery and i won 5000usd for my first play since then i have been working with him and he has been giving me numbers to play my lottery i can not write everything he has done for me if you need a lottery spell today contact him on oseremenspelltemple@gmail.com www.facebook.com/Dr-odion-spell-temple-110513923938220
whatsapp +2348136482342