SVU Episode #5: Wet

Summary: This was a quirky episode about how soda is making kids fat, how soda companies are buying all the water in the world, and how your salad can be deadly. Not your usual sex-crimes issues, but interesting and fun!  A beautiful woman is found dead (of course) in a fountain, with semen in the expected spots. At first, it looks like a rape, but it turns out someone slipped poisonous mushrooms into her salad at a fundraiser – she got high, had sex with a stranger in the park, and drowned while splashing in the fountain. Who slipped her the terrible toadstools? A beautiful young heiress (of course) who was pissed because her blue-blooded grandmother loved the victim more.  The heiress got the ‘shrooms from her nutty professor boyfriend, who falsely confessed to the murder because he wanted the world to know that the victim’s soda company was hoarding the world’s water supply.

Verdict: B+

What they got right: It’s true that toxicology screens don’t check for everything. There are a few “usual suspect” drugs that are always checked for– like cocaine and marijuana – and some deadly poisons.  No rare South American mushrooms like the ones used here. Luckily, SVU’s brilliant medical examiner tested the mushrooms in the victim’s stomach separately and discovered they were not portobello .

What they got wrong: First, the dress the new ADA was wearing. Skin-tight red leather with ruffles? I don’t think so. But she did look amazing.  But then she went over the top with her lawyering tactics. When the nutty professor came in to plea bargain with his high-paid lawyer, they argued and the prof asked, “Can I fire him?”  The ADA answered, “Sure!” and got the prof a new (young, inexperienced) lawyer. That would never happen in real life. The criminal justice system is adversarial, which means the prosecutor cannot advise the defendant, hook him up with a defense attorney, or even talk to him alone once he has a lawyer.  If a defendant asks a prosecutor for a new lawyer, she can set up a hearing where the judge can listen to his concerns and appoint a new lawyer for him.  This was as realistic as Jennifer Aniston selecting the dress for Anglina Jolie to wear to the Oscars. 

In the end, they fired this ADA – but not for this. It was because she sent the new defense attorney on a vacation so she could get more time to figure out the case. You know that was silly. Not only would it break various rules . . . but what prosecutor has the cash for that? I wish we had that kind of salary! For me, ordering in Chinese food instead of cooking dinner is a splurge. I’m sure not sending any defense attorneys to Bali.

Still, it was a fun, engaging episode with some interesting new issues. I particularly liked Stabler faking a mushroom-induced high and pretending to hallucinate a pizza.  He’s great.  And I was bummed that they fired this ADA. I thought that actress was gorgeous! I hope her character will make it through the inevitable Bar ethics investigation and come back for another episode.

*All the views expressed here are mine alone, and do not necessarily represent the views of the Department of Justice.