I’m in Venice, a fabulous city except for one thing: no access to NBC. Try as I might, I can’t find a way to watch the SVU season premiere here. So forgive me if I post my blog about the show a couple days late. In the meantime, here’s a primer on what to expect during the first episode of Season 13!

Boy Meets Girl. There’s a new cast of detectives lined up for Season 13. (Elliot is gone and Olivia is only appearing part-time.) So how will the new girl and boy be introduced? Will they hate each other or will it be love-at-first-sight? Is she a control freak, and he an uncontrollable slob? Perhaps she’s a gourmet cook, and he’s always on a diet? One thing’s for sure, there’ll be plenty of …

Sexual Tension. The requisite ingredient for any Law & Order franchise. With actors this attractive, it shouldn’t be hard to pull off.

Police Brutality. If our new male detective is anything like Elliott, we can expect at least one suspect every three episodes to be roughed up while in police custody. Some suspect will doubtless have his constitutional rights violated during the premiere.

A Dent in the Foster Care System. If our new female detective is anything like Olivia, she’ll want to adopt every kid she works with. (A lot of us working in the system have this instinct, but Olivia seems to act on it more often.) There probably won’t be any adoption in the premiere (too soon), but I put the odds at 1 in 3 that our new Lady Detective will lose her heart to an orphan at some point during the season.

Vigilante Justice. Most SVU episodes seem to end with the rapist being killed by his victim. The manner of death varies– beating with a frying pan, stabbing with an exploding SCUBA knife, shooting in the central cellblock – but they all die. Personally, I’m hoping that the SVU writers will allow a few defendants to survive until trial, so we can actually see the justice system at work.

Amazing Technology. Our beloved SVU detectives seem to have an App to solve any crime. You guessed it – you can’t actually download any of those Apps today. Still, expect to see liberal use of an iPad on the premiere.

At Least One Catfight. I’m guessing the writers can’t resist at least one blowup between Olivia and the new woman. They probably have the self-restraint to stay away from mud wrestling and jello pools, but the rest of the world is fair game.

Have fun watching in real time, and I’ll catch up with you soon!

With the season premiere of SVU just two weeks away, I’ve been busy preparing.  Stretching my fingers so I can type up all the inaccuracies with ninja-quick speed. Practicing my math skills so I’ll be able to tally the body count in an instant.  And watching L&O spoofs.  I liked this mashup of L&O and Shrek, particularly the fact that, even in the cartoon version of the crime drama, the female DA showcases her impressive cleavage.

See you on September 21st for the Season 13 premiere!

Reports are circulating around the web: Chris Meloni won’t be back next season to play Detective Elliott Stabler.  

Sob, sob, sob.  I can’t imagine the show without him.   Who could possibly replace Elliott?

Thanks to TokoBali for being the first to tell me about this. (Bad news, but I appreciate the messenger.)

It’s hard to imagine Law & Order: SVU without Mariska Hargitay.  Luckily we won’t have to … at least for one more season.  According to Hypable, Mariska has signed on for one more year, but with a much smaller role in Season 13, and with plans to phase out even more.  Her character, Olivia, will soon get promoted and become a supervisor.  The show is now looking for a new female lead to replace her.  Rumor has Jennifer Love Hewitt as the leading contender.  She did a great job guest-starring in Season 12 — I wonder if they’ have her back as the same character she played (a repeat victim of a serial rapist) or create a new police-detective character for her? 

Thanks to SVU fan and award-winning crime writer David Delee for letting me know about this!

Summary:  Our final episode of the season ended with a bang.  Several bangs, actually.  I might have to visit the ER myself just from watching it; at the very least, I must have post-traumatic stress disorder. The show started with a mother and daughter sharing a touching moment, walking down the street planning for the girl’s prom. Suddenly, a man in a hoodie runs up, grabs Mom’s purse, and shoots her between the eyes. The girl collapses and sobs at her dead mother’s side. Turns out, Mom was a rape victim two years ago. A hairdresser named Luke slipped GHB into her drink, she passed out, and he sexually assaulted her in a limo. He claimed the GHB was for bodybuilding. The rape trial was scheduled for next week. The hairdresser, we learn, hired a homeless guy to harass Mom, hoping to stop her from testifying. But the homeless guy developed his own grudge and decided to kill Mom himself. But wait, there’s more! The homeless guy was working as an informant for an ATF agent hell-bent on making a cigarette bust. The ATF agent allowed the homeless guy to escape from an ATF sting to prevent the SVU agents from arresting him. The ATF agent also gave the homeless guy a gun left over from a failed ATF operation. “There are too many guns on the street!” Elliott fumed. “And the ATF is putting them there.” (I threw a slipper at the TV at this point.) The SVU detectives soon arrested the ATF agent. With all the bad guys rounded up into one SVU cell, there was only thing that could happen, right? The girl from the first scene came back, this time armed with a gun rather than a prom dress. She shot all the men in the holding cell, and also killed an innocent bystander lady who ran the homeless shelter. Elliott was forced to shoot the girl. As she died in his arms, she said, “It was so easy to buy the gun off the street.”

Verdict: C-

What they got right: This episode was just barely about sex crimes, but the small part it covered was correct. You’ve probably heard of the date-rape drug GHB. It’s easily made from common household items, and when ingested causes blackouts. It tastes salty and slightly bitter, so it’s often slipped into salty drinks like margaritas. (Ladies, if your drink tastes funny, stop drinking it right away and get yourself somewhere safe with someone you trust.)Curiously, GHB was invented in the 90’s by bodybuilders who believed that it helped make them lean and ripped. It turned out that there was some serious crossover between bodybuilders and date rapists. No offense if you have a six pack.

I had a case in 1999 involving a bodybuilder/student at Southern Illinois University. He concocted GHB in his kitchen and used it both to get ripped and to rape at least one college girl. I was a federal prosecutor specializing in consumer protection at the time. The state of Illinois didn’t prosecute the guy for rape because there was little evidence – medical tests didn’t screen for GHB in the 90’s and the girl couldn’t remember all of what happened. At the time, GHB was a new phenomenon and wasn’t yet a scheduled drug, so mere possession wasn’t a crime. But we prosecuted him for misbranding and mislabeling the GHB, under the Food Drug and Cosmetic Act. He was convicted, and at sentencing, we got an enhancement for his sexual assault (sentencing enhancements can be proved by a lower standard than facts at trial). GHB is now a scheduled drug, which means it’s a crime just to make it. So, kids, don’t try this one at home. Seriously. 

The other thing this episode got right is that police have incredibly dangerous jobs.  Whenever they pull someone over or go to a house in response to a 911 call, they don’t know what they’re walking into.  And the danger doesn’t stop at the police station door.  Crazy people with a grudge do sometimes come in and target the police working there.  That happened in a Detroit police station just this January: a man walked into a police station and started shooting at the cops.  Their security camera caught the entire shootout on tape.  Check out the chilling footage: 

We don’t pay our police officers enough.

What they got wrong: The ATF plotline was such blatant propaganda against the ATF, I wondered if the NRA wrote the episode. Yes, guns are a huge problem on our streets. I see gruesome crimes every day that would be mere fistfights if we lived in a country where guns weren’t worshiped like false gods. You know the only federal agency that systematically tries to keep guns out of the hands of the bad guys? The ATF. Sure, they’ve had their share of controversy. But blaming the ATF for the guns on American streets is kind of like blaming a veterinarian for your dog’s death after a Mack truck ran it over.

“I want my phone call,” the homeless killer giggled in the middle of an interrogation. The detectives immediately stopped questioning him and brought him to a pay phone. Brace yourself now. There is no constitutional right to a phone call. Some police stations might have a policy allowing you to make a call, but that’s just a courtesy, not a guarantee. An experienced detective like Elliott isn’t going to start shaking in his boots and stop in the middle of questioning because you uttered the words “phone call.” You have a right to a lawyer. You have a right to remain silent. But a right to a phone call? Nope. Sorry.

The views expressed on this blog are mine alone and do not necessarily represent the views of the U.S. Department of Justice.

Summary: A drunk 14-year-old boy breaks into the home of a 34-year-old woman, takes off his clothes, and passes out naked in her bed.  When she finds him there (interrupting an already awkward first date), she calls the cops.  The kid is arrested and falsely accuses Elliot of “touching his junk” during the processing.  Elliot becomes obsessed with the kid and follows him around, despite a police lieutenant’s admonitions to back off.  The DA charges the kid as an adult, but then allows him to plead to probation in return for dropping his lawsuit against Elliot.  A day later, a woman is raped and murdered in a NYC alleyway.   DNA testing shows that the rapist is this kid – and he’s raped five other women in Oregon.  Despite mounting evidence, the kid’s mother won’t believe her son could do anything wrong.  But she tells the police that the kid was molested by his female babysitter when he was seven.  While she’s making this revelation, the kid returns to his old babysitter’s house and kills her.

Verdict: B

What they got right: The portrayal of the kid’s mom was very realistic. If there is anyone who is willing to stand by the side of a serial rapist, it’s his mother.  I’ve seen countless women refuse to believe that the man they love could do any wrong, even when evidence is overwhelming.  I had a case where a 14-year-old girl’s stepfather raped her, she got pregnant, had the baby (who looked just like Stepdad) and DNA testing proved he was the father.  The girl’s mother refused to believe that her husband had sex with her daughter.  It was too terrible for her to contemplate, so she chose to disbelieve her daughter and the science.  There’s often little to gain from trying to convince the suspect’s Mom of the bad things her son did.  She will believe him over you any day.  It’s just nature.  As law enforcement, the key is marshaling enough evidence to convince a jury.

Kids can be tried as adults if their crimes are heinous enough.  Each state has its own rules.  In D.C. the rule allowing prosecutors to try minors as adults is called Title 16, and it applies only to the most serious violent crimes.  Not every minor who’s eligible will be tried as an adult.  In making the decision, prosecutors consider the suspect’s criminal record, the severity crime he’s accused of committing, the strength of the current case, and the likelihood that he’ll re-offend.

The system where the suspect is tried is important.  In the juvenile justice system, the goal is rehabilitation, so the focus is on counseling.  In the adult justice system, the main goals are punishment and deterrence, so the focus is incarceration.  Additionally, if you’re convicted in the juvenile system, you’ll have no criminal records after you become an adult, and your sentence can’t go past your 21st birthday.

Another thing this show got right was that suspects often make claims against the cops that arrest them.  Like the beat cop said in this episode, “Every drug bust I ever made claimed that I planted the drugs.”  Prosecutors and the Internal Affairs branch of the police department have to carefully sort out the few legitimate claims from the countless bogus ones.

What They Got Wrong: This kid wouldn’t have been tried as an adult for sleeping naked in a woman’s bed.  For the other stuff we eventually learned, yes, sure.  But the initial crime was a stretch for adult prosecution – it wasn’t very serious and the kid had no criminal history.

Elliot should have gotten off this case, and stopped making any contact with the kid, as soon as the kid accused him of molesting him.  But you knew that.

I’ve never heard of a 14-year-old serial rapist.  It’s rare to find a 40-year-old with 8 confirmed victims.  That said, if there was such a predator, he probably would have been molested himself as a child.  History tends to repeat itself with sex crimes.

Finally, in real life, poor Elliott would be fighting off the kid’s false charges of molestation for the next two decades. 

All the views expressed on this website are mine alone, and do not necessarily represent the view of the U.S. Department of Justice.